Being the overly emotional creature that I am, it may come as a surprise to you that I once thought emotions were silly. I thought that only weak people experienced emotion. I was a stuffer and a compartmentalizer. Like a serial killer, I silenced my emotions, stuffed them into a small space, and then tucked them away in an unseen container to rot.
Oddly enough, I knew God. Or, at least, I thought I did.
I, like so many others, had been hurt. It wasn’t just one person or one event. That would have been fairly easy to deal with. I had been hurt by so many and so much that I couldn’t wrap my mind around it. I didn’t think justice existed. I was certain that people who hurt others never truly paid for it. I thought the Golden-Rule was a fantasy and karma a foreign concept.
Hurting people – hurt people. And, more than anyone else, they hurt themselves.
I was so used to being hurt that I surrounded myself with people who hurt me. I told myself I needed to man-up and handle it. I told myself I needed to be stronger to compensate for those who hurt me, and for the hurt I unknowingly caused myself, but could not name.
Strangely, this worked for me. I kept my hurts quiet and close, and they reminded me to be angry. Not outwardly, but secretly. A fire burned within me that I still cannot explain. The closest I can come to describing it is to compare it to adrenaline. Adrenaline shoots through your system without destroying you, it sometimes burns – but in a good way, it numbs you to pain, and it gives you more energy to keep going.
I was an ‘A’ student. I got an education. I became successful in business. I was raising a family. But, my anger was growing. I wasn’t aware of it. It felt normal to me. I made excuses for the people who were hurting me. But, the adrenaline of anger eventually takes its toll.
It wasn’t until life happened to me, events nearly killed me, and my heart was truly broken did I see what an idiot I was. It was then that I truly knew God. Why? Because I recognized my hurts, named each one, and then I let them all go.
Watch this video. If you don’t feel something then there’s a good chance you are holding on to some kind of hurt that has numbed you to the outside world.
Oh, and by the way, there is justice in the world. It’s called the Golden Rule and is also known as karma. They are one in the same. We may not always be around to witness it, but it exists. Those who sow seeds of destruction reap destruction. It is both a message and a warning. It is not an immediate reaction, but a slow reaction that takes time, care, and feeding. Eventually, everyone gets a harvest. And, what’s done in the dark will be brought to the light…